Last week, I started having some weird pains in my upper leg / butt region. I initially thought it was a pulled muscle, but my doctor confirmed that I have sciatica, or as I like to call it, old-guy-itis. Simply put, sciatica occurs when your sciatic nerve is irritated by something, anything in your body. This blows because your sciatic nerve goes from your butt all the way down to your toes.

It's a mild case and the doc gave me some anti-inflamatories, so I'll make it to see another day, but sciatica just sounds old. It makes me think I should get some elastic pants, velcro shoes and a 5 lb. bucket of prunes.* Okay, I'm taking it too far, but I do wonder how much my mostly sedentary life is to blame. I think it's time to get the body moving on a regular basis.

My favorite current diagnosis is pregnancy sympathy pains, or Couvade Syndrome. No, I have not impregnated anyone personally, but my coworker is prego. And since I am a baby-freak by male standards, a few in the office believe that to be the cause. I won't confirm or deny this rumor, but I will tell you this — I am dying for a pickle, peanut butter and anchovy sandwich.

* When is old-man chic going to hit the hipster set?