Spears update. Yesterday, when I accompanied my sister down to attempt to get an autograph, Britney smiled at me. She looked at me and smiled. Now I’m just waiting for her bodyguard to approach me and say, “Ms. Spears requests your presence in her suite.” “Oh, that sounds wonderful. Thank you Biff.” It will go down like this. Then again, maybe she was just smiling in my general direction. No matter—I will see Spears again.

To answer some questions: The threesome will happen, just give me some time. I didn’t get any shots of them making out; I didn’t have my camera then. Britney’s boobs are hanging out but less than usual. She just looks like any other blonde bombshell in a bikini.

In other news, I saw Oprah and Stedman walking down to the beach today. She looks hideous in person.