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Viewing: 5/6 @ 5:15pm

This film was depressing. Not depressing in the "timmy fell into the well and died" way, but in the "how did this actually get released?" way. I'll run you through each of the depressing moments that occured both in the film and in my mind, but first a brief breakdown.

The New York Post called this movie West Side Story without singing or competent storytelling, which pretty much hits the nail on the head. The film focuses on The Deuces, a street gang in Brooklyn, and two brothers in the gang. A third brother died from a drug overdoes three years ago by the hands of Marco, who is coincidentally returning from the big house. Marco is in The Vipers and you can figure out what happens from here.

The film really goes nowhere and that is the result of a lack of narrative style. The director and screenwriters got the metanarrative right, but they told it all wrong. It skipped from vignettes of street life into a provocative moment, then to a gang fight and then some fun at the pool. There was no clarity.

More importantly, you felt almost nothing for the characters. The only exception is the younger brother Bobby, who has a touch of personality. A shining example is right before the first big fight when The Vipers attack a member of The Deuces and we realize that although it is clear he is a member of the gang, we really don't know him. The audience is never introduced to any of the gang members, thus it is difficult to get excited when a fight breaks out. You need to care about someone to root for them.

The casting didn't help the situation. All I have to say about that is that Vincent Pastore, aka Pussy from The Sopranos, was cast as a priest. And no, he wasn't a free-wheelin', drug-dealin' bad-ass priest. To be fair, Frankie Muniz was actually quite good. He was the perfect little kid/protégé

I really didn't enjoy this movie. It was just boring and you should avoid it. But you shouldn't avoid the five things that really depressed me.

1. I realized the director, Scott Kalvert, also directed The Basketball Diaries, which was a good movie. Then I realized he directed Form... Focus... Fitness, the Marky Mark Workout before that, and was doomed from the beginning.

2. I was the only person in the theater. Alone. Just me. Granted it was 5:15 on a Monday, but that is still very sad.

3. The fight scenes were impossible to follow and completely dull. Half the reason I thought I might enjoy the movie was because there'd be gang fights. Lots of chains and bats, no action. Much sadness.

4. The two mothers in this film were crazy or drunk, which of course explains why they turned to gangs. The movie itself is a cliché, so why should they stop with this? So I'll stop crying.

5. This is the first of many films I will see this summer that will completely and utterly suck. Why am I doing this again?